i want to be more creative in 2025!!

[polaroidic]

as i progress along my newly-acquired corporate job (i've been calling it a job, but it's a paid internship/apprenticeship lmao) i feel my creative juices drying up, shown by the following symptoms:

• i haven't been able to finish a drawing in a few months
• i haven't been satisfied with the way I colour
• i've gone more than 2 weeks in a row at a time without drawing
• i'm struggling to draw things I used to draw decently (eyes????? torsos??? help) even with reference

some possible causes:

• job-hunting, job-acquiring, job-exiting stress:I've been touching grass and focusing on earning adult money - which isn't a bad thing! I'm growing up and becoming an adult! I have my priorities in check (hopefully?)! a lot of my energy is going to the effort of going to work, working, driving home from work (what more now that my new job is 1 hour away!!) and resting for the next work day. so i have almost no time on weekdays (which is like, a solid 2/3rds of the a week) to do anything except the bare minimum and sleep.
• general desire to touch grass: by touching grass i do mean going out and spending money and hanging out - again not necessarily a bad thing. the thing is: i'm slow - i drive slow, i eat slow, i draw slow. everything takes me a lot more time than other people, including getting comfy at a cafe or whatever place i'm trying to draw at. i can't focus on drawing when i'm at home, but being at some cafes kinda yields the same result??? i'm severely cooked
• (until recently?) a lack of muse: seems like a taboo to say but i've been falling out of love with my obsessions!!! rgg stuff doesn't hit anymore, especially when mirei and katsuya are nowhere to be found in canon material. "but fandom-" dawg the ktmr fandom is me and 2 other people who found other obsessions (not their fault btw). infinite wealth was fun at first but none of it, including tomi and seonhee and yamai, stuck to my heart. i temporarily obsessed over aaa & shuta but that came to a screeching halt on his birthday (i wanna elaborate but it's very parasocial lmao) when i was supposed to finish his birthday art (this sounds like a disaster, and it is lmao). i'm now back into b.a.p (my lomls) and i'm scared of it ever getting to that point (even though i'm obsessing over them at a speed of 150km/h). it's not helpful to be scared but damn i just want to be emotionally intact while doing all my hobbies. the fuck

creative? doing what exactly?

ok in order of importance:

1. illustration
2. content: stuff like dreamwidth, with the intention to vomit my thoughts and live out my 2013 fan tumblr dreams
3. design
4. journalling: i use the term journalling very loosely but what i really mean is using my planner

ok i'm not too sure what the intention of this post was. i was going to write out my creative goals/plans for 2025 but it might be too early. will do a separate post for that.